I just read an article this morning about a mother who was very distressed, angry, and saddened by the fact that her 7 year old child on the Autism Spectrum was not invited to a birthday party.  He was the only child in the whole neighborhood that was not invited, even though they all played together in the same neighborhood playgroup.

As I read it, my heart bled.  I am sure that we can all feel this pain.  The social/emotional gap between typical children and those on the autism spectrum is wide indeed.  A doctor once told me that children are the best diagnosticians in the world, and when you watch a group of them, the odd child will always stand out alone.

So we cry, feel sorry for ourselves and for our child, and become indignant with a “soap box” reaction, feeling that we must go on a mission to educate those ignorant of social disabilities.  These are all normal reactions of course, however, after all these negative feelings have passed, what can we do in the here and now for our child in a practical sense?

I was very impressed by the helpful answer to this predicament.  The answer was to be proactive in this situation by being prepared with other plans.  For instance:  The suggestion was made to have plans ready BEFORE the party, simply inviting the child that is having the party to a private celebration, such as going to a favorite restaurant that both would have fun at and having plenty of parental supervision.  A “one on one” type playgroup instead of a large group where our child will surely stand out. This great idea not only protects the child’s dignity and self esteem but it also gives an opportunity for education by assimilation, giving the other child and parent an occasion to broaden a greater understanding of Autism Spectrum and the social/emotional challenges that are a huge part of this disorder.

We may feel that we should not have to go to these lengths and that people should be more open minded, educated, and considerate.  The fact is, yes, they should be and this would be wonderful if these attitudes were prevalent.  However, this is not the case and we are our child’s parent.  We accepted that parental role with the true honor of “protector” of our child.  In order to be accomplished in our honorary title, we must make extraordinary efforts to protect the physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of our child.  This is not a simple task either, especially protecting our child’s emotional wellbeing.  Keep in mind though, if we do not protect their self esteem and dignity…No one else will!

Let’s arm ourselves my fellow parents with a positive and defensive wall of protection for our kids.  Thus, by so doing, we rise above the negative and dwell on a positive direction of promoting awareness.  Just remember the old saying, “More flies are gathered by honey than with vinegar” and no one wants to listen to us if our words are sour.  It may take more work and effort on our part, but our children are definitely worth it!

Kimberly Larochelle

Sweet sarcasm? The very thought may seem like the biggest oxymoron in the world!  Sarcasm, Sweet, I don’t thing so.  Of course, when we are victims of sarcasm, it is very cruel.  Yet, what if we don’t understand sarcasm?  What if we just don’t get it when someone is being sarcastic with us?  For instance, What if someone told you, “Well, you look so nice today.”  Let’s say they were being sarcastic and so this statement was said with a slur in their voice and a facial expression that didn’t fit with anything nice.  Now imagine, that we respond with the sincerest of a “Thank You” to this sarcasm…BECAUSE…we just don’t get it.  Even though we don’t understand the slur, it may confuse and upset us, as the words do not seem to match the face. 

Now imagine it’s not us at all who experiences this situation…it is our child and we watch painfully as this scenario unfolds.  If we have a child with Aspergers or on the Autism Spectrum, no doubt we have endured this torturous experience.  We wonder perhaps…  Do they understand the sarcasm?  If they understand, do they feel hurt and humiliated?  Or does the sarcasm even bother them?  We don’t know most times and we long for the ability somehow, someway to get inside our child’s head and heart to be able to understand how they perceive these things.  That way, we would also know how to pick up the pieces and soothe the specific hurt, if in fact there even were some injury.  We just don’t know do we?

I would like to share with you a conversation that I heard from the back seat of my car.   This particular conversation came from my two children, one with ASD who has never understood sarcasm and his typical younger sibling, not ASD.  It went like this:  “Here Jacob…You play the bad Guy.”, said my ASD child as he handed his brother the enemy toy figure.  He brother quipped back with a sarcastic smile and slur, “Well, thanks a lot, Levi.”  The next statement made me forget to breathe…”Jacob, you’re being sarcastic aren’t you?”  What? Did I just hear that right?  He recognized “Sarcasm” for the very first time in his life of 11 years!  This happened 2 weeks ago and in addition to recognizing more incidents of sarcasm, he has used expressions with double meanings, such as, “Thrown under the bus”, used in the right context, very naturally, and even being able to explain what this expression meant to a younger family member as it’s not meaning a literal bus.  Wow!

A sigh of relief also has come over me!  Social/Emotional Intellect as it emerges in our children is the best sleeping pill ever!  Our children may possess all the intellect in the world, however, as parents, we worry constantly about our children’s ability to find happiness and have successful social / emotional relationships with others.  To mature successfully, and thrive as humans, we must be able to incorporate our greatest gift, the Emotional/Social Connection with others.  In order for this to be a success, we know that two things must happen:  1. our children must be able to understand others.  And:  2. our children must be able to be understood by others.  To the extent that this is the case, the more likely we as parents can breathe more sighs of relief as we slowly start letting go and the time comes when they have to make it on their own, if in fact this is possible.  It can be a very scary thought even with typical children and much more frightening for our parents with children on the Autism Spectrum.

Things such as sarcasm, humor, pragmatic language, broadminded thought processes, etc., all have huge effects on social/ emotional awareness.  The greater the understanding of these socialites, the better the overall understanding of others can be, along with greater understanding of oneself.  These very things, can be taken for granted when they are not missing.  However, if these have been lost somewhere inside our beautiful children, and then, found, it is like a hidden treasure, worth more than we could ever have thought possible. It is in this instance, you see, that “Sarcasm” can be sweet and as sweet as honey, as long as it is “Understood”.

By: Kimberly Larochelle

School can be very difficult sometimes for the ASD student.  Many times, it is said that they are just “wired differently” or “learn in a different way than most”.  A few nights ago at our monthly Autism Support Meeting, another mom and I discussed our many frustrations and challenges with helping our kids learn and thrive in their schooling.

Many parents resort to home schooling their children and while it may be easier in some ways as we may know how to reach our own child in a very personal and loving way, this can also bring many challenges.  Finding the key that will fit with their particular understanding of the many concepts that must be taught, can be as a very strenuous treasure hunt.

In that search, I have found a little jewel that I would like to pass along.  This is a site with many learning tools, games, and such, that can be most helpful.  There are books and DVD’s, toys, etc, that assist with Math and Reading.  Also, other items that can help with things such as Social/ Emotional Issues, and Sensory Issues, etc.

The site is called, Natural Learning Concepts, Autism and Special Needs, Tools that teach you to succeed:

I hope this will be a helpful tip to all parents and teachers as well.  There is nothing better than watching a turned-on child, when the realization of education’s purpose motivates their little minds and hearts!

Here is the web site:

http://www.nlconcepts.com/?gclid=CPbgweH21KsCFQi87Qod-mArSQ