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Sweet sarcasm? The very thought may seem like the biggest oxymoron in the world! Sarcasm, Sweet, I don’t thing so. Of course, when we are victims of sarcasm, it is very cruel. Yet, what if we don’t understand sarcasm? What if we just don’t get it when someone is being sarcastic with us? For instance, What if someone told you, “Well, you look so nice today.” Let’s say they were being sarcastic and so this statement was said with a slur in their voice and a facial expression that didn’t fit with anything nice. Now imagine, that we respond with the sincerest of a “Thank You” to this sarcasm…BECAUSE…we just don’t get it. Even though we don’t understand the slur, it may confuse and upset us, as the words do not seem to match the face.
Now imagine it’s not us at all who experiences this situation…it is our child and we watch painfully as this scenario unfolds. If we have a child with Aspergers or on the Autism Spectrum, no doubt we have endured this torturous experience. We wonder perhaps… Do they understand the sarcasm? If they understand, do they feel hurt and humiliated? Or does the sarcasm even bother them? We don’t know most times and we long for the ability somehow, someway to get inside our child’s head and heart to be able to understand how they perceive these things. That way, we would also know how to pick up the pieces and soothe the specific hurt, if in fact there even were some injury. We just don’t know do we?
I would like to share with you a conversation that I heard from the back seat of my car. This particular conversation came from my two children, one with ASD who has never understood sarcasm and his typical younger sibling, not ASD. It went like this: “Here Jacob…You play the bad Guy.”, said my ASD child as he handed his brother the enemy toy figure. He brother quipped back with a sarcastic smile and slur, “Well, thanks a lot, Levi.” The next statement made me forget to breathe…”Jacob, you’re being sarcastic aren’t you?” What? Did I just hear that right? He recognized “Sarcasm” for the very first time in his life of 11 years! This happened 2 weeks ago and in addition to recognizing more incidents of sarcasm, he has used expressions with double meanings, such as, “Thrown under the bus”, used in the right context, very naturally, and even being able to explain what this expression meant to a younger family member as it’s not meaning a literal bus. Wow!
A sigh of relief also has come over me! Social/Emotional Intellect as it emerges in our children is the best sleeping pill ever! Our children may possess all the intellect in the world, however, as parents, we worry constantly about our children’s ability to find happiness and have successful social / emotional relationships with others. To mature successfully, and thrive as humans, we must be able to incorporate our greatest gift, the Emotional/Social Connection with others. In order for this to be a success, we know that two things must happen: 1. our children must be able to understand others. And: 2. our children must be able to be understood by others. To the extent that this is the case, the more likely we as parents can breathe more sighs of relief as we slowly start letting go and the time comes when they have to make it on their own, if in fact this is possible. It can be a very scary thought even with typical children and much more frightening for our parents with children on the Autism Spectrum.
Things such as sarcasm, humor, pragmatic language, broadminded thought processes, etc., all have huge effects on social/ emotional awareness. The greater the understanding of these socialites, the better the overall understanding of others can be, along with greater understanding of oneself. These very things, can be taken for granted when they are not missing. However, if these have been lost somewhere inside our beautiful children, and then, found, it is like a hidden treasure, worth more than we could ever have thought possible. It is in this instance, you see, that “Sarcasm” can be sweet and as sweet as honey, as long as it is “Understood”.
By: Kimberly Larochelle
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Ahhh…the life of a child…So wistfully happy, and ultimately carefree. With not a care in the world, a child is free…free from life’s stresses, and so it is, and so it should be the best time of life. This state of being is usually true of most typical children, but to most of those that are within the Autism Spectrum…it is not. For these children, life in general is just the opposite. Instead of being carefree…they are worried. Instead of being happy…they are frustrated, and fretful. Life for them can be “too Loud”, “too Confusing”, or just “too Much”… For example, I give you…”A Day at the Beach…” The sounds of the waves…so very pleasant, and relaxing…for MOST, and yet for them, these same sounds that can relax us and even lull us to sleep…can be as a “Frightening Roar” to these children. Let’s add just another sensory component to our scene, shall we: The “feel’ of the warm sand, as it squeezes between our toes…it is a wonderful sensation …for MOST, and yet for them, the texture of this same sand is as an extreme irritant, and it’s sensation attacks their “Tactile Sense”, and it can be painful to them. Let’s add to this picture yet again… “The Bright Sunny Day”, as the sun beams and glistens on the water like sparkling diamonds…Beautiful…Yes…for MOST, and yet for them, the bright sun is too bright, as they cover their eyes, in search of shade, and relief from the onslaught of the sun. Add the occasional sounds of the “Sea Gulls”. as we watch in delight, while they soar and land upon the shore, lifting their heads and calling to whomever may hear them…an intriguing delight for MOST, and yet these same sounds are as literal “Shrieks” that jump out of the air suddenly, and startle them to their very core. Those on the Autism Spectrum have some very bewildering sensory issues, as some of their senses are overly sensitive, and yet others under sensitive…add to the confusion , and you will find that there is varying combinations of overly and under sensory issues and degrees, and all unique to each individual. I used to say, “If only I could get inside my little boy, and see the world through his eyes and ears…I would know…I would KNOW…”
And so… “A Day at the Beach” …for many on the Autism Spectrum…really is NOT… “A Day at the Beach”… It is very much a stressful and dramatically exhausting endeavor for them…and just the opposite from the way that we think of the occasion, and the expression that we loosely use to describe something easy and stress free…in other words: “A DAY AT THE BEACH” By: Kimberly Larochelle
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I sat stunned while I waited at the traffic light, as I gazed at my little boy, Levi riding in the car in front of mine with his daddy. The car in back of me tapped on their horn to break my paralyzed state. “He just waved at me…HE JUST WAVED AT ME!” my voice broke to no one but myself as I drove alone. I was speaking of my son, who had just waved at me with a grin from ear to ear, for the 1st time in his life! He is 10 years old, and I just got my very 1st wave from him…Amazing!
It was amazing because it was a REAL WAVE, not something that he HAD to do or had been trained to do…No…he “emotionally felt” this wonderfully simple and yet powerfully complex gesture.
Of course, what makes this situation so noteworthy is the fact that my son was diagnosed with Aspergers. What is a wave to someone with Aspergers? Certainly, my son never understood the meaning emotionally. And now…NOW he DID!!!
His eyes were alive and danced with understanding and emotional awareness. This made my heart leap, and every fiber of my being exploded in a crescendo of happiness. I thought to myself and even spoke aloud, “He’s going to be ALL RIGHT…”, and my eyes filled with joy unsurpassed.
Since that “Wave”, there have been many more small and yet huge gestures of emotional awareness and fellow feeling shown and my heart applauds each one. We have seen “blowing kisses”, “winks”, “grins and smiles of enjoyment”, “thumbs-up gestures” and of course “waves” of hello and goodbye…all accompanied by the most beautiful eye contact you have ever seen! Those olive-green eyes of awareness and understanding are by far the dreamiest and most breathtaking that I have ever gazed upon.
As these emotional “jewels” manifest themselves, other less desirable traits seem to be diminishing. Things such as anxiety, frustration, and fear. His demeanor seems calmer, happier, and more secure. As a matter of fact, this calmer and happy state has had a runoff effect on the entire family. There is a peacefulness that has settled in our home and it has replaced worry and apprehension.
There are many tiny miracles around us and we experience them in many ways everyday…some of these are as simple as a smile, or a
…“WAVE”…
By: Kimberly Larochelle
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Strength Beyond What Is Normal …A Mother’s Story…
(this is a true story)
His name was “Curley”, and he was the meanest Bull that you had ever seen…and yes…I am talking about a real “Bull” with four legs and horns. Uncle Homer had always warned about Curley, and the whole family would shutter, as he would tell the tale of the time when Curley had him cornered and he had to crawl under the truck.
Well one day, as the family sat by the lake, my mother and her cousin who were only little girls at the time, were walking along the fence when they saw to their horror, “Curley was out!” My mother still remembers feeling Curley’s hot breath on the back of her heels, as she and her cousin Nancy ran toward the rest of the family, down by the lake.
Needless to say, when the family saw the scene, they all leaped up from their chairs and started running, all except one person…My Nana, my mother’s mother. She stood up, feet planted and with a determination, that we see in movies where the hero sacrifices himself on behalf of the noblest of causes…She picked up a lawn chair, and held it in front of Curley’s charging advances, while she said, “Stop, Curley!” Her voice was low, and resolute, and her stance was firm and unshaken…and…Guess What? Curley stopped…yes he stopped right then and there, and slowly turned and walked away.
You all may be wondering why I have just related this story, and what it may have to do with Autism. Well, I personally gain a tremendous amount of strength from the deeper meaning as we answer the pending question that we all have. Why would a slight little woman of only 5ft 4in, go up against this ferocious animal…especially, when everyone else just ran for their lives…a pretty normal reaction to a charging bull…don’t you think?
Well, you see, that little lady was reacting to an instinct that is stronger than any force out there…The intense Love and Protective Bond that a mother has for her child. Her child, her little girl, that she loved more than life itself, was in imminent danger, and so there was never a question in her mind when she held up that chair…she had to “Stop the Bull!”
All mothers have this knee/jerk reaction when it comes to the protection of our most precious possessions, our children, but when it comes to mothering a child that is on the Autism Spectrum…well, that is a whole different level and dimension of protection. To me, “Curley the Bull” represent “The Autism Spectrum”…and this bull is charging…head on towards our children. As mothers, and parents of our beloved children…we see the danger…and we face it, with feet planted, head on! We don’t hesitate, and we don’t even think of ourselves or our own fears…even though we may have them…Our children are our priority, and nothing shakes our focus from our love and protection of them.
We muster up, with strength beyond what is normal to face the bull that is Autism, and we grab a chair and hold it firmly in front of it’s advances. We face the bull that is Curley everyday with gut wrenching courage. It can take quite the toll as well, because the world that we live in, sometimes feels very ill equipped to deal with the “Bull” that is Autism. It is a constant protection that we feel we must bolster up as well, as this Bull of Autism has many faces, and of things that most mothers of typical children are not used to facing and protecting their children from. Things like school, peers, society, ect.
Others may not understand us, or comprehend the magnitude of this level of protection that we have developed deep in our hearts, just as all the others in my story that ran away. Nevertheless, they see it, and they admire it as something very rare indeed. As this is story of my grandmother and “Curley” the Bull is still a favorite tale in my family that is told again and again with much fondness, for now some 60 years.
So be of good courage, my friends…and stand firm…put on your concrete shoes, and grab up your chair! Take a firm grip, and “Face It”…with unrelenting vigor…The “Bull” that is “Autism”.
Kimberly Larochelle
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Time magazine put Temple Grandin on its list of the 100 most influential people of the year! HBO produced an award winning movie based on her life! Books such as, “Thinking in Pictures” and “Emergence: Labeled Autistic”, have been written as well in which Temple Grandin wrote about Autism.
Grandin, now considered a high-functioning person with autism, earned a Ph.D. from the University of Illinois and is a professor of animal science at Colorado State University . It is amazing to realize that when she was a child, the doctors told her parents that she should be institutionalized. This was a common recommendation for autistic children in the 1950’s. Thankfully, her parents refused and got her intensive intervention.
Temple Grandin spoke to an audience of 2,500 at Drury University . Mary Failla, and received a standing ovation. The autism community understandably admires her very much and her life’s work is exceptionally motivating. Here is a clip of part of her speech, and I hope all find it as inspiring as I did.
http://www.theautismnews.com/2011/03/04/autistic-professor-temple-grandin-inspires-crowd/
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This is a link regarding a new therapy to help kids with ASD with socialization sent to me by one of our U.K. members. This doctor is doing the therapy in Greece but I think if you look at the concept it might want to discuss with your doctor to see how you might be able to apply and/or implement this type of technique. This might be something to show your IEP teachers or perhaps if you home school implement there. http://www.neoskosmos.com/news/en/Greek-program-autistic-children
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Asperger’s Syndrome is a milder condition on the autism spectrum where the individuals are known for being highly intelligent yet have difficulty with social situations. Often as a child they are known as “Little professors” as they are smart and may show interest in scientific subjects such as dinosaurs or science fiction themes such as Star Wars. These individuals tend to be able to integrate into society fairly well as their verbal skills may be quite high and again the major deficiency relates to social interaction and social awkwardness i.e. little Johnny can’t seem to make friends. They may have difficulty with displaying appropriate sensitivity to others’ feelings. It is difficult at times for them to understand abstract concepts such as humor. Reading facial expressions and maintaining eye contact may be an issue. Usually, they show coordination difficulties and are not considered very athletic as children i.e. the goalie on the soccer team not the star forward.
This particular case relates to an adult with Asperger’s Syndrome. When someone with Asperger’s syndrome grows up they tend to be attracted to computer fields. Such was the case in this situation. The reason for this being that many times these individuals are very detail oriented and intelligent while they tend to avoid social interaction. Therefore, many computer-related jobs fit those aspects comfortably. Many computer-related jobs can be done at home on a computer without having to go to an official workplace on a daily basis. This allows them to feel accomplished at work, intellectually, while avoiding social contact with others.
The problem is that screen time, television, video games and the Internet have been shown to have negative effects on individuals that are on the autism spectrum(attention deficit disorder, attention deficit hyperactive disorder , Sensory Integration Disorders, Processing Disorders, Asperger’s Syndrome, Tourette’s syndrome , Pervasive Developmental Disorder and Autism.) This particular patient who also has attention deficit disorder relates to “being on the computer and then coming out of an almost trance like state realizing 20 hours have gone by and more than 20 tabs are open.” He also has made statements such as “now that I’m aware of the issue with screen time, I feel as if the computer screen is like kryptonite, sucking the life out of me.” In a perfect world, the best thing for this patient would be to discontinue all screen time.” The problem is he is now in his thirties and this is how he makes a living.
In a hemispheric integration model, Asperger’s Syndrome tends to be a right hemisphere deficiency. This does not mean that all Asperger’s Syndromes are a right hemisphere deficient and certainly the only way to determine this is with an appropriate functional neurological examination. In this particular case however, he did indeed have a right-sided deficiency with the basis of his issues localized to a left vestibular lesion. He in fact had played football in college. He was a running back. At first, I thought this somewhat unusual as Asperger’s patients tend not to be athletic. However, upon further questioning it was determined that the reason he was a running back was that he could not catch a ball. This then tended to fit in well with the common associations of balance issues and uncoordination with Asperger’s patients. Apparently, he was tough and determined but not the most coordinated. This was confirmed throughout the physical examination process . This was addressed with appropriate modalities relating to functional neurology and hemispheric integration therapy. These treatments were performed at the office on a regular basis during his therapy sessions.
The issue was that he had to go back home and go back to work. That meant that in this imperfect world, he would have to continue working at a job that required him to be on a computer to earn living. This was the only way he could maintain the standard of living that he was accustomed to. He may be able to make long-term changes into a field that does not require so much screen time, however in the near future that was not an option. In the hemispheric model postural muscles and proprioception are extremely important as is the side of the lesion. He did in fact work from home. This gave us a little bit more flexibility. Together we discussed what his workday was like and tried to come up with some adaptations he could make to lessen the impact of the computer screen on his condition. A treatment program at our office always involves in office treatments and what we like to term “homework” for the patient. We were able to come up with five adaptations which were helpful for him.
These were as follows:
- He was to use the mouse with his left hand.
- He was to do some core exercises for several minutes every hour as they break away from the screen.
- He was to use a standing desk.
- If he was in a sitting position he was to sit on a Swiss ball.
- He was to place the screen slightly off center to the left.
These seemingly small and insignificant changes had a considerable effect in his ability to concentrate and be productive at work as well as his overall Asperger’s condition. As always, this is an illustration of home modifications that were made on a particular case. This is not to imply that all Asperger’s Syndromes are right functional hemisphere deficiencies of left vestibular origin and should be treated and prescribed the same home modifications. These types of changes should only be done with appropriate physician supervision.
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We had our first play date at the hit autism support group in Tampa last night. We had a nice turn out and the kids interacted with each other much more than expected. The parents seemed to either play with their kids or socialize with other parents. A group of parents are going to get together and form an association of parents that are homeschooling. If you are interested, join our support group at www.hitautism.net. It was clear that most parents do not get an opportunity to get out like this. It is clearly something that is needed in this community.Thank you to all that participated. I wanted to especially Thank Planet Bounce of Lutz for supporting our group with a discounted price and their wonderful facility.
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Here is a nice web site with lots of information. They have a treatment section which does not include Hemispheric Integration Therapy but this is the battle I fight on a daily basis. It does not take away from the fact that they have good information about many subjects relating to Autism Spectrum Disorders. The particular page deals with rights and tips for dealing with the school system which I thought would be a nice post for this back to school season. http://www.brighttots.com/Preschool_Special_Education.html
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Last night we had our monthly support group meeting here in Tampa at Casa Mexicana in Tampa. As usual, I got to enjoy myself and learn more about the community. We have a group of parents that know so much about things such as I.E.P.s, home schooling and parking permits. One of our most experienced parents with an adult child who has been all over the country and has tried various treatments told me that even she picked up a few tips. A Few good pediatricians and therapist will be added to our resource list as some new names were recommended by new members of the group. I answered a few questions , mostly regarding Hemispheric Integration therapy. The best part is always the sharing and fellowship. Its nice to see the look on some faces who usually do not get a night out and if so not with others that understand their situation. If you are in Tampa remember that next week we are having a family outing at planet bounce for support group members. This is a special time reserved for our group for just families with children on the spectrum. Another outing for the parents and some much needed social time for the kids. For more information about our support group go to www.hitautism.net
