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I just read an article this morning about a mother who was very distressed, angry, and saddened by the fact that her 7 year old child on the Autism Spectrum was not invited to a birthday party. He was the only child in the whole neighborhood that was not invited, even though they all played together in the same neighborhood playgroup.
As I read it, my heart bled. I am sure that we can all feel this pain. The social/emotional gap between typical children and those on the autism spectrum is wide indeed. A doctor once told me that children are the best diagnosticians in the world, and when you watch a group of them, the odd child will always stand out alone.
So we cry, feel sorry for ourselves and for our child, and become indignant with a “soap box” reaction, feeling that we must go on a mission to educate those ignorant of social disabilities. These are all normal reactions of course, however, after all these negative feelings have passed, what can we do in the here and now for our child in a practical sense?
I was very impressed by the helpful answer to this predicament. The answer was to be proactive in this situation by being prepared with other plans. For instance: The suggestion was made to have plans ready BEFORE the party, simply inviting the child that is having the party to a private celebration, such as going to a favorite restaurant that both would have fun at and having plenty of parental supervision. A “one on one” type playgroup instead of a large group where our child will surely stand out. This great idea not only protects the child’s dignity and self esteem but it also gives an opportunity for education by assimilation, giving the other child and parent an occasion to broaden a greater understanding of Autism Spectrum and the social/emotional challenges that are a huge part of this disorder.
We may feel that we should not have to go to these lengths and that people should be more open minded, educated, and considerate. The fact is, yes, they should be and this would be wonderful if these attitudes were prevalent. However, this is not the case and we are our child’s parent. We accepted that parental role with the true honor of “protector” of our child. In order to be accomplished in our honorary title, we must make extraordinary efforts to protect the physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of our child. This is not a simple task either, especially protecting our child’s emotional wellbeing. Keep in mind though, if we do not protect their self esteem and dignity…No one else will!
Let’s arm ourselves my fellow parents with a positive and defensive wall of protection for our kids. Thus, by so doing, we rise above the negative and dwell on a positive direction of promoting awareness. Just remember the old saying, “More flies are gathered by honey than with vinegar” and no one wants to listen to us if our words are sour. It may take more work and effort on our part, but our children are definitely worth it!
Kimberly Larochelle
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Sweet sarcasm? The very thought may seem like the biggest oxymoron in the world! Sarcasm, Sweet, I don’t thing so. Of course, when we are victims of sarcasm, it is very cruel. Yet, what if we don’t understand sarcasm? What if we just don’t get it when someone is being sarcastic with us? For instance, What if someone told you, “Well, you look so nice today.” Let’s say they were being sarcastic and so this statement was said with a slur in their voice and a facial expression that didn’t fit with anything nice. Now imagine, that we respond with the sincerest of a “Thank You” to this sarcasm…BECAUSE…we just don’t get it. Even though we don’t understand the slur, it may confuse and upset us, as the words do not seem to match the face.
Now imagine it’s not us at all who experiences this situation…it is our child and we watch painfully as this scenario unfolds. If we have a child with Aspergers or on the Autism Spectrum, no doubt we have endured this torturous experience. We wonder perhaps… Do they understand the sarcasm? If they understand, do they feel hurt and humiliated? Or does the sarcasm even bother them? We don’t know most times and we long for the ability somehow, someway to get inside our child’s head and heart to be able to understand how they perceive these things. That way, we would also know how to pick up the pieces and soothe the specific hurt, if in fact there even were some injury. We just don’t know do we?
I would like to share with you a conversation that I heard from the back seat of my car. This particular conversation came from my two children, one with ASD who has never understood sarcasm and his typical younger sibling, not ASD. It went like this: “Here Jacob…You play the bad Guy.”, said my ASD child as he handed his brother the enemy toy figure. He brother quipped back with a sarcastic smile and slur, “Well, thanks a lot, Levi.” The next statement made me forget to breathe…”Jacob, you’re being sarcastic aren’t you?” What? Did I just hear that right? He recognized “Sarcasm” for the very first time in his life of 11 years! This happened 2 weeks ago and in addition to recognizing more incidents of sarcasm, he has used expressions with double meanings, such as, “Thrown under the bus”, used in the right context, very naturally, and even being able to explain what this expression meant to a younger family member as it’s not meaning a literal bus. Wow!
A sigh of relief also has come over me! Social/Emotional Intellect as it emerges in our children is the best sleeping pill ever! Our children may possess all the intellect in the world, however, as parents, we worry constantly about our children’s ability to find happiness and have successful social / emotional relationships with others. To mature successfully, and thrive as humans, we must be able to incorporate our greatest gift, the Emotional/Social Connection with others. In order for this to be a success, we know that two things must happen: 1. our children must be able to understand others. And: 2. our children must be able to be understood by others. To the extent that this is the case, the more likely we as parents can breathe more sighs of relief as we slowly start letting go and the time comes when they have to make it on their own, if in fact this is possible. It can be a very scary thought even with typical children and much more frightening for our parents with children on the Autism Spectrum.
Things such as sarcasm, humor, pragmatic language, broadminded thought processes, etc., all have huge effects on social/ emotional awareness. The greater the understanding of these socialites, the better the overall understanding of others can be, along with greater understanding of oneself. These very things, can be taken for granted when they are not missing. However, if these have been lost somewhere inside our beautiful children, and then, found, it is like a hidden treasure, worth more than we could ever have thought possible. It is in this instance, you see, that “Sarcasm” can be sweet and as sweet as honey, as long as it is “Understood”.
By: Kimberly Larochelle
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School can be very difficult sometimes for the ASD student. Many times, it is said that they are just “wired differently” or “learn in a different way than most”. A few nights ago at our monthly Autism Support Meeting, another mom and I discussed our many frustrations and challenges with helping our kids learn and thrive in their schooling.
Many parents resort to home schooling their children and while it may be easier in some ways as we may know how to reach our own child in a very personal and loving way, this can also bring many challenges. Finding the key that will fit with their particular understanding of the many concepts that must be taught, can be as a very strenuous treasure hunt.
In that search, I have found a little jewel that I would like to pass along. This is a site with many learning tools, games, and such, that can be most helpful. There are books and DVD’s, toys, etc, that assist with Math and Reading. Also, other items that can help with things such as Social/ Emotional Issues, and Sensory Issues, etc.
The site is called, Natural Learning Concepts, Autism and Special Needs, Tools that teach you to succeed:
I hope this will be a helpful tip to all parents and teachers as well. There is nothing better than watching a turned-on child, when the realization of education’s purpose motivates their little minds and hearts!
Here is the web site:
http://www.nlconcepts.com/?gclid=CPbgweH21KsCFQi87Qod-mArSQ
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Warriors for Autism are a non-profit organization dedicated to promoting Autism awareness. This foundation raises funds to help create programs such as sponsoring therapies, organizing family field trips, support groups, and sensory-friendly play dates for children and families of Autism Spectrum.
The goal of Deena Rivera, founder of Warriors for Autism is not only to raise awareness about Autism, but also to generate a desperate need for funding, in order to sponsor families who do not otherwise have access to vital therapies and much needed assistance in the Tampa Bay area.
This Saturday, 4/23rd, Deena Rivera and her Warriors for Autism are hosting the following event and I thought many would be interesting in attending especially in this month of April, since it honors International Autism Month.
Here is the information to the event:
1st Annual Tampa Bay Joins Hands for Autism
Cocktails & Silent Auction Benefit
Saturday, April 23, 2011 from 6:30pm – 10:30pm
A fun evening event for Tampa ’s Warriors to come together, to dine, dance and show support for the fight against difficulties our autistic children face everyday. Proceeds from this event will be dedicated towards creating safe and affordable summer programs for children with autism spectrum disorders.
For further information contact:
Deena@warriorsforautism.com / 813-857-1698
www.warriorsforautism.org
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| “Autism’s Effect on Siblings” I am passing along a You Tube link to a very interesting and insightful news story featured by CBS News. This story delves into the struggles, the emotions, and the day to day living, from the viewpoint of the Sibling in the Autism Spectrum Family. In my practice, treating children on the Autism Spectrum, I have come to admire these brothers and sisters. It is important to recognize their great contribution to the family. I hope you enjoy this news story as much as I did.
Here is the link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEX-5YxUUoA&feature=relmfu |
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Strength Beyond What Is Normal …A Mother’s Story…
(this is a true story)
His name was “Curley”, and he was the meanest Bull that you had ever seen…and yes…I am talking about a real “Bull” with four legs and horns. Uncle Homer had always warned about Curley, and the whole family would shutter, as he would tell the tale of the time when Curley had him cornered and he had to crawl under the truck.
Well one day, as the family sat by the lake, my mother and her cousin who were only little girls at the time, were walking along the fence when they saw to their horror, “Curley was out!” My mother still remembers feeling Curley’s hot breath on the back of her heels, as she and her cousin Nancy ran toward the rest of the family, down by the lake.
Needless to say, when the family saw the scene, they all leaped up from their chairs and started running, all except one person…My Nana, my mother’s mother. She stood up, feet planted and with a determination, that we see in movies where the hero sacrifices himself on behalf of the noblest of causes…She picked up a lawn chair, and held it in front of Curley’s charging advances, while she said, “Stop, Curley!” Her voice was low, and resolute, and her stance was firm and unshaken…and…Guess What? Curley stopped…yes he stopped right then and there, and slowly turned and walked away.
You all may be wondering why I have just related this story, and what it may have to do with Autism. Well, I personally gain a tremendous amount of strength from the deeper meaning as we answer the pending question that we all have. Why would a slight little woman of only 5ft 4in, go up against this ferocious animal…especially, when everyone else just ran for their lives…a pretty normal reaction to a charging bull…don’t you think?
Well, you see, that little lady was reacting to an instinct that is stronger than any force out there…The intense Love and Protective Bond that a mother has for her child. Her child, her little girl, that she loved more than life itself, was in imminent danger, and so there was never a question in her mind when she held up that chair…she had to “Stop the Bull!”
All mothers have this knee/jerk reaction when it comes to the protection of our most precious possessions, our children, but when it comes to mothering a child that is on the Autism Spectrum…well, that is a whole different level and dimension of protection. To me, “Curley the Bull” represent “The Autism Spectrum”…and this bull is charging…head on towards our children. As mothers, and parents of our beloved children…we see the danger…and we face it, with feet planted, head on! We don’t hesitate, and we don’t even think of ourselves or our own fears…even though we may have them…Our children are our priority, and nothing shakes our focus from our love and protection of them.
We muster up, with strength beyond what is normal to face the bull that is Autism, and we grab a chair and hold it firmly in front of it’s advances. We face the bull that is Curley everyday with gut wrenching courage. It can take quite the toll as well, because the world that we live in, sometimes feels very ill equipped to deal with the “Bull” that is Autism. It is a constant protection that we feel we must bolster up as well, as this Bull of Autism has many faces, and of things that most mothers of typical children are not used to facing and protecting their children from. Things like school, peers, society, ect.
Others may not understand us, or comprehend the magnitude of this level of protection that we have developed deep in our hearts, just as all the others in my story that ran away. Nevertheless, they see it, and they admire it as something very rare indeed. As this is story of my grandmother and “Curley” the Bull is still a favorite tale in my family that is told again and again with much fondness, for now some 60 years.
So be of good courage, my friends…and stand firm…put on your concrete shoes, and grab up your chair! Take a firm grip, and “Face It”…with unrelenting vigor…The “Bull” that is “Autism”.
Kimberly Larochelle
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I have a tattered little piece of paper that decorates my fridge, and it’s nothing fancy…really quite worn…but on it is written some of the best advice that I have ever given myself. It is called “10 Helpful Hints”. The reason I keep it on my “fridge” is so that I may FOLLOW this advice that I have given to myself…And…I am reminded everyday, several times a day, every time I open the fridge…”Follow Your Own Advice”…
It seems that the closer I follow these 10 little tips…Life flows a little easier, and the world seems a little brighter. The more I read them and keep these tips foremost in my mind…I seem to be able to muster up more Hope in my heart, along with Courage and Strength.
I have found that in our Autism Spectrum Community, the struggle can be quite hard, and it can take a toll, physically, mentally, and emotionally. If we can muster up though, and be strong enough one day, while our fellow may be lacking on that very same day…then…we can pass along a “shoulder to lean on”…and maybe someone will provide a “shoulder” for us, on another day…when we may be stumbling… The point is, we are all on the same “crooked road”…and just as I have been up built by this tattered little slip of paper…I will pass it along…in the hopes that it may give someone else a boost.
- Never give up on a cure.
- Read, read, and read some more everything on the subject…then keep what’s good, and discard what’s not…and keep a “not sure” file as well.
- Listen to your “Gut”…there is no one on this earth that loves this child as you do…or that knows this child better that you do…so “Arm” yourself with your own wisdom of your child, and become his or her best Advocate.
- If a therapist, doctor, teacher, etc…does not connect with your child…Find someone that does.
- If a therapy or diet is not having successful results…stop…and find something that will bring success.
- Ask questions…lots of questions…and write them down, so that you can carry them with you when you go to your child’s doctors, therapists, etc…and if your questions are met with distain, sarcasm, or with a patronizing response…Find someone that will answer your questions with respect and dignity.
- When you feel like the world is caving in on you…take a Bubble Bath, a Long Walk…or anything to help you re-group to face the challenge again.
- Try to stay healthy yourself…this is hard as you may feel selfish about giving yourself any attention…so…just remember who you need to be healthy for…Your child… and they are depending on you…You cannot assist them very well if you get sick…
- Join a Support Group…and not just any support group. Make sure that you will be able to gather “purposeful” support from this group…and that it truly satisfies your need of support in both a practical, and in an emotional sense. Ask yourself, “What was I able to take away from this meeting?” Any tips or information, and maybe even play dates for my child, etc…not just a “Gripe Session”.
- Do not feel guilty that your child is in this situation, and do not plague yourself with the “What if’s” or the “If only I knew then what I know now”…and Do not look back with regret…just keep moving forward to Accomplishment!
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Here is the link to an editorial regarding children on the autism spectrum and bullying in schools. This is a negative aspect of life but is something that is realistically occurring and parents as well as others need to be made aware of the situation. On the positive front, this article shows that there is more awareness regarding this subject and that possible legislation and political pressures are coming to bear on the situation. My hope with this post is to perhaps open some eyes regarding this subject and possibly motivate the more politically active to follow-up with what is going on in Massachusetts. Here is the link
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/editorial_opinion/letters/articles/2009/11/22/kids_with_autism_are_especially_vulnerable/
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This is an interesting site I found relating to Special education law with a section on Autism. I used the link below to take you to the site and this particular post which I thought was eye opening. This type of information is always beneficial to share. We all have experiences that we may have learned from that could help someone else that hasn’t been there yet.
http://specialedlaw.blogs.com/home/2008/09/painful-failure.html#more
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A patient of ours that has nothing to do with the Autism community sent me this today because he has seen been in the office when some of the kids are being treated and asked about what we do and how it all works. He is a missionary and is a man with a good heart. If you haven’t seen this, it’s powerful. We need to put it in context adding the last 4 years of information but it’s still an impressive video. I do not think that mercury is the sole cause of autism but certainly it has to be considered a factor in any discussion regarding possible causes. Here is the link from the Mercola site that my patient sent me http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/07/18/Robert-F-Kennedy-Jr-Explains-the-Autism-Coverup.aspx
